There's a lot of advice out there about how to tell your children that you're divorcing. However, what about people who have grandchildren? What's the best way to handle breaking the news to them? That's becoming an increasingly common dilemma with the rise in gray divorce.In fact, about half of all kids in this country have divorced grandparents.

Tell the Grandkids Yourselves

It is understandable that you would prefer that your adult kids tell their children about the break-up. They may even prefer that. However, it's best for you and your spouse to tell your grandkids yourselves, with their parents there to help reassure them and show that you're all still a family. Having the grandparents they've always known as a couple divorce can leave kids fearful that the same thing will happen to their parents.

Emphasize What Won't Change

It's advisable to follow many of the same recommendations for telling grandkids about your impending break-up that are given to parents. As noted, telling them together is best. It's also important to stress that your feelings for them haven't changed and you'll still get to enjoy many of the same activities together as you did previously. If you're able to be together amicably for holidays and special family events like birthdays and graduations, that's all the better, but don't promise something you're not sure you can follow through on.

Let the kids ask questions, but don't go into details they don't need to know. You might want to talk to their parents beforehand about how much you want them to know. They probably don't need to know, at least for now, that grandpa has fallen in love with his personal trainer or that grandma has realized that she's a lesbian.

It's essential not to blame your spouse or show emotion or anger towards him or her. Having your adult kids there with you can help ease the situation and help you out if the conversation becomes difficult.

Divorce at an older age often means dealing with your own adult children's feelings as well as with those of your grandkids. How your children feel about the split can impact the way their kids, in turn, deal with it. Having your parents end their marriage can be a shock, particularly if you weren't aware of how serious their problems were or how much they'd grown apart. Your family law attorney can likely recommend some resources to help break this news and to learn how to maintain family unity as you move forward in this new stage of your life.

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