How to Cope With Being Sued
By: LINDSEY O’NEILL, ESQ.
Whenever someone asks me how to deal with being sued, I’m always reminded of Robert Frost’s words that “the best way out is always through.” Once you receive a threatening letter from a lawyer, a copy of lawsuit filed against you, or even the famous last words of the disgruntled that they’ll “see you in court,” you will likely experience a variety of very common reactions. Like Robert Frost said, though, the only way out is through.
Common Reactions to Being Sued:
Shock and fear. If you’ve just received a threat of legal action, you’re probably pretty freaked out. Most people experience extreme distress about the financial and personal impact of the possible outcomes. Common questions at this stage include: How much will I have to pay in damages? What will this do to my reputation? Could this put me out of business? What will it cost to hire an attorney?
It is not uncommon for defendants in a lawsuit to experience feelings of overwhelm, stress, depression, anxiety, disruption in their personal relationships, inability to concentrate on daily matters, or even physical illness. These symptoms often endure, at varying levels, throughout the litigation process.
Anger and denial. In this phase, many people go into “super-defense” mode. How could he/she/they do this to me after all I’ve done for them? Who do they think they are? They can’t do that to me! I’ll show them!
However, recognize that this is an opportunity. It’s an opportunity not only for you to resolve this particular matter, but also to make changes on a go-forward basis so that you can (hopefully) avoid a similar situation in the future.
How to Cope:
Thankfully, we can hire lawyers to advise us the best way to handle it all and even take over a big portion of the responsibilities. So, since you have to deal with it on some level, how do you cope with being sued?
Try to relax. This happens to a lot of people. Remember, just because you’ve been sued doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or you’ve failed. A lot of people get sued for a lot of different things. Sure, sometimes people get sued for making a mistake (or sometimes for something intentional). But, for many common types of lawsuits, a lot of other people have made the same or similar mistakes. Even if you’re innocent of the allegations, a lot of people have also been wrongfully charged and there are a lot of people out there with an ax to grind.
Get informed. The first step in coping with a lawsuit is to get informed about the process. Talk to a lawyer about what to expect, what kinds of time limits are in place, whether you have a good basis upon which to dispute liability or claimed damages, and whether settling out of court or defending the case at trial would be more beneficial to your situation. Obtaining this kind of information base about what can be anticipated will has been shown to greatly improve coping abilities. Defendants can then prepare themselves and begin to react strategically, rather than emotionally, to the various phases of the legal matter. After all, a lawsuit is, in part, a strategic game of sorts.
Keep tabs on your psychological and emotionally state. Being sued is one of the most stressful experiences in life. Get counseling if needed or confide in someone you trust. You probably have a lot of thoughts racing through your mind and you’ll need to process those. Increased stress or inability to manage the emotional and psychological aspects of litigation can only prevent you from fully participating in your own defense.
Participate responsibly in the litigation. Nobody knows what happened better than you and the person who sued you. Not their lawyer, not your lawyer, not any witnesses and not a judge or jury. Your lawyer is only equipped with the factual tools you can provide him or her. So, get involved, be candid with your lawyer, and try to stay focused on solutions.
Trust your lawyer. Your lawyer knows the lawsuit game better than you do – they’re supposed to! Understand that some things you may want to say won’t help you legally. Trust that your lawyer will do what they can to protect you from unintentional admissions of wrongdoing, will advocate for your best interest, and will give you as straight an answer as possible to your questions.
Let go. Ultimately, you will have to make a decision about how to resolve the matter. Whether that mans paying a settlement, fighting the charges, or taking it to trial and putting the decision in the hands of a judge or jury. If it was all up to you, this wouldn’t be happening in the first place. So, try to let go of the desire to control the outcome. You do the best you can – and what happens is what happens. That’s all anyone can do. If you’ve participated responsibly in the process, trusted your lawyer, and assessed the situation as best you could, then the final step is letting go of it all. Once the matter is finally resolved, then you don’t need to hold onto it anymore – you can move on with your life.
If you’ve been sued, I sincerely hope these tips have helped you. Being sued isn’t fun. But you can get through it. Contact an attorney in your area, sooner rather than later, to walk through this process with you and help protect your legal rights. Good luck!
This was absolutely superb advice. Thank you for posting it. I have a busy allied- to -medicine practice and worry about the possibility of being sued almost coninuously. I have practiced for 18 yrs without a letter of complaint and yet it has become a real and present fear. I shall read this article daily for a while and try to calm down.
Many thanks again
Thank you for the nice compliment. A lot of practitioners and small businesses live with the fear of being sued since our society has become so litigious. Sounds like you have a very good track record though – no complaints in 18 years! Wow! In addition to careful and responsible practice, there are other ways you can limit your liability should you ever be sued. Speak to an estate planning attorney to learn about whether options such as running your business under the protection of a limited liability company or other legal entity would be beneficial for your situation. Your personal assets may also be protected to a certain extent through legal mechanisms such as a trust, etc. The best preventative tools for your situation will of course depend on additional facts you’ll discuss with a lawyer. Its just another layer of protection that can help you cope better in the event you do ever face being sued.
Good luck!
I have been searching for something like this. This article was a comfort – I have seen a lot of articles about physician litigation stress syndrome in my searches tonight and that is probably mainly your target audience (and businesses) as well but us “ordinary folks” can still relate. A totally unexpected lawsuit (accident was almost 2 years ago, it was not major, nobody claimed to be injured, my insurance found other driver at fault) has come in to my life in the 6 figure range for personal injury. Even though I have insurance, I do not totally trust them and my policy limits, though not minimum, are not that high either. I have spent hours online confirming and often disproving legal information my insurance company has given me (their competence seems to be better now at the level it has been escalated to). But most of all I just worry about the case.
My life is now falling apart. Each “milestone” (initial demand, rejection of offer, filing of complaint, service of complaint and I know there are more to come following the “answer”) brings me back into this stressful world again and again. Every time I try to move forward with life something pertaining to this lawsuit arises and I fall back down. I have had to start dropping my clients (I am in business part time for myself) because I can no longer focus on getting things done and no longer consider myself dependable. Seeing the business and client base I have built up going away devastates me. I am shutting down.
I guess before tonight I felt that I was the only one who experiences these feelings. Because in my case I truly believe I am not at fault (and maybe this would be easier if I thought I was at fault) this whole process is very difficult and takes me through various emotions you have described.
Thank you for lending words of comfort that I can return to to let me know that what I am feeling is normal.
The advice “let go” is so important. I tell other friends who have stress the same thing – it is sometimes hard to practice for yourself but you must always try. I guess I have to not worry so much about who is at fault and “let go” and just hope this resolves and that there is life afterward.
I like your quote by Robert Frost. I didn’t know who the source was – I think of this quote often and I actually quoted this in a memo to myself earlier today. It is so true and important to remember.
Anyways, thank you for some words of comfort on another restless and lonely night. Thank you Lindsey. I know now there are others like me and I hope they can find their way to your post (and maybe even my reply) to see that this is something many of us go through.
Dear Thankful – you are so welcome! Believe me, I know how difficult and stressful a situation it is to be sued (or even to be the one suing, really). You WILL come out of this the other side… just do your best and that’s all you can do. If you haven’t already spoken to a lawyer, I highly suggest you do. A lawyer will not only know what to do and how to do it, but they can be invaluable to your emotional and psychological health because they can predit what the outcome will be. This insight relieves a huge amount of the stress because the unknown is probably the worst part about litigation.
Good luck to you!
Lindsey
Like the others above, I also want to say thanks for the advice. Similar to the one who wrote last, my sister and I are being sued due to an accident that happened 2 years ago. Ironically, it was my sister who was seriously hurt, yet she was the one at fault, and the man she hit (not hurt at all as far as we could tell) is now suing for as much as he can possibly get. And the hardest part of me is the loss of control, like you mentioned. Letting go and trusting in your legal counsel is great advice. In a way, I’m lucky in that my auto insurance is handling everything for me (my sister was driving my car, so that’s how we’re both involved in this). The other part you touched on that is my feeling is the defensiveness I have and almost shame in a way, even though I didn’t do anything wrong. Anyhow, it’s nice to get reassurance from a knowledgable person such as yourself. Thanks again.
I can relate to the feeling of defensiveness… and worse, the shame. Try to separate the feelings of regret for the accident (like anyone would feel, even if they’re not involved… the feeling that its sad there was an accident period) from the instict to defend your rights. This is why lawyers are so important – let them do the legal work. Its almost always too psychologically and emotionally confusing to defend your own rights when you’re sued or even when you’re the one suing. Think about this – when a lawyer is sued, he/she very often does not represent him/herself. NO – lawyers are people too, and when it’s their personal life at stake, they hire a lawyer just like everyone else. Good luck to you and hope your sister is OK.
I really loved this post. I was searching on google for some advice on a car accident I’m now being sued over that happened 2 years ago. It’s been hard knowing how Ishould be coping/dealing with the prospect of oweing more money on top of the bills I already work 65 hours a week in order to pay. I wish there were support groups for this, I’d go if I could find the time!
im being sued and i have no job for an accient. i have a witness to.
I’m actually the claimant in my suit, but this advice kind of goes both ways. Especially the last part, which is where the decision to take action came from. The quote from Frost reassures me to follow through with what I’ve decided to do and not allow the fear of threats and retaliation stop me from seeing it through. Sorry for all of you that are being sued, I hope you make out ok.
Thank you! I’ll read this article everyday until the ordeal is over.