By: LINDSEY O’NEILL, ESQ.
I’ve just become aware of some websites that help you sell the jewelry your ex gave you after you’ve broken up. Some might say, what a great idea! Would you really ever wear the stuff again? How would your current boyfriend feel if you wore those fantastic diamond earrings from the ex while you’re kissing him? What about broken engagements? I guess some gals save the ring for those special memories… but others are apparently selling them off. Which brings up a question I hear a lot: When a couple breaks off an engagement, who is legally entitled to the ring?
Consider a common scenario: Couple dates for 3 years, lives together for 2, engaged for 1. Then, something happens and one of them breaks off the engagement. Someone moves out. Does he ask for the ring back? Does she volunteer it? Wasn’t it a gift? Does it matter who broke off the wedding? Does the “fault” of the break-up matter? Well, lucky for us, the courts have had many an opportunity to consider these very issues!
Some courts treat an engagement ring just like any other gift – it’s a gift and that’s it. Once given, there is no obligation to return it because it becomes the legal property of the recipient. In this situation, the intended bride gets to keep the ring if the couple breaks up.
Other courts treat it as a “conditional gift” – meaning it only legally becomes a gift to the recipient upon the happening of some future event, like a marriage. The bride-to-be can wear the ring up until the wedding day, of course, but it doesn’t legally become her property until the couple actually gets married. In the “conditional gift” situation, if the couple breaks up before the wedding, the question of who is entitled to the ring may turn on the fault of the parties (i.e. who “prevented” the condition from occurring). In many states, the person who did the breaking up forfeits his/her right to the ring.
But, there is one little problem with the “It was your fault, so I get to keep the ring” approach. Most of the time with break-ups… the “fault” issue can get pretty dicey. Did the couple break up because she cheated? But what if she cheated only after he emotionally abandoned her, spending all his time at work and with his buddies – who is at fault there? Did he fight with her on purpose to make her miserable enough to break it off? Did she promise a certain kind of life that she just couldn’t live up to? Often, it becomes a he-said, she-said kind of situation, which many courts are reluctant to decipher. Depending on the value of the ring, you may not even shell out the legal fees to exercise your legal options regarding the ring.
So then what? Whether he keeps the ring or she keeps the ring…. what do you do with it after a break up? Do you think he would sell it if he could? Would she? From the trend in these websites…. looks like there is a big aftermarket for ex-couple jewelry! Maybe some couples can just agree to sell it and split the proceeds… Some very proactive couples enter into an agreement about it beforehand spelling out what happens. Hey, an ounce of prevention, right? Lawyers are increasingly drafting all kinds of living-together contracts, premarital agreements, and the like. Either that or just don’t break up. : )
Lindsey O'Neill is the Director of Legal Content and Strategic Development at LawInfo.com. Ms. O'Neill is a California licensed attorney based in La Jolla and experienced in a wide variety of legal and business matters.
Keep the ring; keep the jewelry; you broke up with him; the jewelry did nothing to you except adorne your body! Keep it; wear it; enjoy it; after all, you don’t have to say where it came from.
Reply
You always have to be careful about purchasing stolen goods. It can be tricky navigating these waters, even if you’re selling the jewelry to a pawn shop. Most attorneys would tell you that there should be an understanding between the two ex’s before a sale is made, that will eliminate possible legal problems.
Reply
Call me Mr Unromantic but with divorce rates so high and the cost of gold and other commodities skyrocketing up a used ring simply sounds like a good alternative. Just don’t tell my wife her ring came from a pawn shop and maybe we’ll reach our tenth anniversary next year.
Reply
That’s funny. I just took 2 female friends to the gold store to sell their rings from past relationships. They didn’t wear the rings, so why not sell them?
Reply
My wedding was officially called off last April 2007 after I found out that my fiancé told me that he did not want to sign a pre0nuptial agreement that was discussed immediately after we got engaged on July 2006. He and my parents got into some nasty fights and for whatever reason, he was not going to sign it and therefore at that time said he could not go through with the wedding that was planned for June 2007. I begged him to sign it and move forward with the wedding but he said he could not go through with it and therefore my parents lost $20k in deposits. From that point, I asked him to move out and we briefly separated but I still had the engagement ring. However when getting the engagement ring and setting, I paid for 13k of the 21k for the diamond and he paid for $8k of the diamond and I paid for the $1.5k setting. This was done this way at the time b/c I saw no sense in adding to his debt and figured since we were getting married, it was all going into one pot anyway and did not think of getting an IOU from him. So for the last 8 months, we have tried to work on things to move forward but it seems like we’re just not meant to be. I officially broke up with him in April and want to move on. However, we still have this ring to deal with. Although we paid $21k for the diamond (I put in $13k and he put in $8k) and I paid for the setting and most likely will only get $15k for the entire thing, I feel as though I should not be the one to take the hit on the loss of the ring. Do I owe him anything and is it right for me to keep the ring? Not to mention that my parents lost $20k in deposits and he is not taking ANY accountability for that either.
Reply
Michele Reply:
December 17th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
I am not ofering legal advice. I think the best thing to do is get a lawyer to handle this legally. ring it before the court so you get a legal solution . I personall think in this situation you should be allowed to keep it. He is prohibiting the marriage from going forth. The other solution is to figure out what porton he paid and what percent of total value you paid. Then get get a professional to tell you real street value then if you only get 50 % of the value minus professional appraiser cost etc. he gets half of what he originally paid and you keep the ring. I personally think the court shpuld force him to also pay half the deposits to your famiily. I really thjink you should contact an attorney and keep the two issues seperate. I would not keep the ring to try and get the deposits and risk getting sued for the full 8,000 $. I would see if I have any legal rights to eith all or half the deposit money. Always best to havdle these situations legally. I am sory for the broken engagement. I think right now the main thing you need to ask yourself and pray about is this…is this the right person for me. My one true love. The type of person I wish to share my life and heart with forever. If he has done this to your parents and you at this point what will he do a few years down the road? I lost my parents to cancer recently and I can say if someone walked out of an engagement and didn’t care he cost my parents 20 K I would not want him or anything from him symbolizing our love. This guy could go through with it or at least offer to pay them back atlast half over time. If he is honorable. I woul ask if he did this now; Is he capable of hurting me more? Search your heart, and you will find the answers. My best wishes for you . God bless you!
Reply