BY: LISA R. WILSON

Dick and Dora have been out drinking and dancing together and having a lovely time. The night draws to a close and Dora invites Dick in for coffee. They kiss. Then they kiss some more. Although Dora has not delivered a wholehearted “yes” to advancing this liaison to the next level, she proceeds with Dick to the bedroom—and this is where things get, uh, sticky.

After engaging in a night of physical intimacy, Dick leaves Dora’s place, footloose and fancy-free. But in the days that follow, Dick begins to hear some troubling stories about town: Dora did not want to do it, Dora did not like doing it, and finally, Dora was forced to do it. Confusion races through Dick’s mind as he recalls the events of the evening. There was flirting, touching, kissing. If she didn’t like his advances, why didn’t she turn away? And—most importantly—if Dora stands by her claim of force, can she have Dick arrested for date rape and charged with sexual assault?

Although slight variances may vary by state, date rape is generally defined as unlawful forced sexual intercourse with a female against her will which occurs within the context of a dating or social relationship. Even if a female initially agrees to have sex but then changes her mind before or during the physical act, and the other party refuses to disengage, this, too, is considered rape. Although these are pretty clear definitions, it is the events leading up to the act that are often muddled in obscurity and therefore challenge a date rape accusation; i.e. did no really mean no?, but she said she wanted to, etc.

Men and women tend to speak different languages, sexually and otherwise (hence, the infamous “men are from Mars and women from Venus” phenomenon). However, there is a fine line between acting coy and being apprehensive when it comes to encouraging, and accepting, sexual advances. And it is unfortunate that men are expected to recognize and interpret this fine line at all costs, even when the woman cannot tell the difference herself. Rape is no small matter, but if the signals the man is receiving are vague and perhaps indifferent, should the responsibility of sexual participation fall solely on a man’s shoulders? Shouldn’t the accompanying woman share some accountability, perhaps even liability, for the sexual act(s)?

On television, in movies, in newspapers and especially in advertising, our society is bombarded by racy images and gratuitous sexual exposure. On a daily basis, it is difficult not to catch Paris, Britney or Lindsay photographed half-naked with their junk fully exposed, leading to the ever present assumption that women are fundamentally teases. Men are relentlessly shown images of women who live by an “anything goes” mantra in and out of the bedroom and who use their sexuality as not just a form of expression, but a definition of character. This makes it more and more difficult to differentiate between women who welcome (and engage) in superfluous sexual activity, and those who like to think they do.

Therefore, with all of the confusion surrounding date rape, it is probably best for men, and women, to follow these general guidelines before heading out on a date, in an attempt to stay clear from making irreparable sexual misjudgments:

• Have a frank discussion about your relationship. Make sure you both know where you are headed. If the man is looking for sex that night, he should make it as clear as possible from the get-go.
• If you two are new to each other, don’t mix sex with drinks. Most people are more willing to overstep their own limits when they are drunk.
• Just because a girl is going out with you, wears revealing clothing and laughs at all of your jokes, doesn’t mean she is going to give herself to you. Again, have this discussion early on in the evening.

Rape is a criminal act and should never be taken lightly. So finally, set this rule in stone: no means no means no. Period. It doesn’t matter if she says it jokingly or sarcastically. Stop all activity, readjust your drawers, and chill. To coin a phrase, “when in doubt, leave it out.” Because if you are wrong, and she is in fact willing and able, she can always set you…straight. Good luck.

If you have been wrongly charged with date rape or other criminal act, consult with a Lead Counsel criminal defense attorney in your area immediately, who can help to protect your legal rights and fight for your exoneration. Your freedom may depend on it.