By: LINDSEY O’NEILL, ESQ
Ok, so now I’ve written about a break-ups and staying together….. but what happens when it doesn’t work out? What should you do?? Well, if your relationship ends, here’s one thing NOT to do….. Don’t be a stalker!!
Don’t call her endlessly. Don’t show up at her door unannounced. Don’t peer in her windows at night in hopes of catching a glimpse of the life you used to live with her. Ah, yeah… that could be considered stalking. Stalking is a big no-no! Stalkers may not even be exes - the guy who lives across the street, or the timid guy at work, or the woman who sees you regularly in the grocery store. Most people hear of celebrity stalkers, but stalkers can be anyone.
Ever have that feeling you’re being watched?? Ever turned the corner and saw some strange person standing there wearing a special kind of grin? Ever looked outside your window and seen someone trying to climb in??? (This actually happened to a friend of mine!) YIKES!
Victims of stalking can seek protective orders / restraining orders in the court system to keep the stalker at bay. The exact legal definition of stalking varies from state to state, but just about all states have laws prohibiting the kind of harassment typically known as stalking.
If you feel you may have a stalker - or if you are in fear of your safety for any reason - contact the police immediately. An experienced attorney can help you determine your legal options against the stalker and to bring some peace of mind back into your life.
For information about stalking, see the federal Office for Victims of Crime brochure on Stalking Victimization.
Lindsey O'Neill is the Director of Legal Content and Business Development at LawInfo.com. In addition to her role at LawInfo, she is an attorney in private practice based in La Jolla, California, counseling businesses on a wide variety of legal and business matters. Ms. O'Neill is also general counsel for Naturally Modern, LLC, a design firm focused on modern furnishings and accessories for an indoor-outdoor lifestyle.
2 responses so far ↓
1 Was Jason a Stalker? // Mar 11, 2008 at 7:44 am
You saw that Grindhouse flick didn’t you?
When people in relationships have a painful break up, there can be some questions, resentment etc. And there can be actions related to those feelings. Women are infamous for damaging belongings or making weepy phone calls or being aggressive to new love interests.
Men are more controlling I think, wanting to know what the woman is doing, wanting to find some reason to hate her. Generally you se emen depicted being angry and venting that anger innapropriately. Looks like a symptom of being emotionally immature.
Then there are codependents, people who need to know or control things so they can feel good.
I think it is a good idea to tell family and friends when you feel stalked. And to address it directly with the suspected stalker. I think most of the time addressing it directly will eliminate the annoyance.
But in the cases where it is a threat, you might find when you address it that it escalates, and that is the right time to start addressing it with an attorney and law enforcement.
2 Deborrah Cooper // Mar 20, 2008 at 8:35 am
Luckily most states have enacted anti-stalking laws which now give police the power to prosecute stalkers. This wasn’t always the case, and stalkers flew under the radar, terrorizing the object of their unwanted affections. One of the first big cases I remember hearing about here in California involved the stalking and murder of young actress Dominique Dunne, daughter of author and crime show host Dominic Dunne. This guy got her home address from the Department of Motor Vehicles! Laws were swiftly changed to remove access to such private information from the general public, but that didn’t stop stalking.
I agree that women slash tires and write on windshelds with lipstick. But men KILL. Women should not think that a stalker is just going to go away. If a woman is threatened and scared, she needs to do three things: (1) take a self-defense program; (2) buy a handgun; (3) hit the target range and learn how to use the gun well. Then when the stalker doesn’t pay attention to your “no!” and ignores that silly piece of paper that is a restraining order, you can drop him before he drops you.
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